This is kind of how I feel today.

But isn't he the cutest!"

Tuesday James and I had a follow-up appointment for him. While the results looked better than they have in the past they are still not where the Doctors need him to be.

We had some very intense conversations on where this journey is going and the only conclusion I have come to is that through all of this I had secretly not given up hope that we would get pregnant with a miracle baby.

I know that I need to fully let that go before we start on the adoption path but I am at a loss on how to start.

I feel completely vulnerable and hollow inside. And I also feel as though I have no one to truly talk to to help process all of these emotions I am dealing with. Although I should look into seeing an [in]fertility therapist.

I think this Sunday is going to be a day that I am not looking forward to.