Has it been 18 cycles already!

Walt Disney: The Ugly Duckling, 1939

This has been a very hard day for me, and I am sure that watching Juno last night has something to do with it.

After we finished the movie we both just sat there and James asked me if I was ok and if I was really ready to start our family. I had to hold back the tears as I replied and he was also clearly upset as we talked about our future family. He hasn’t been this vocal about his desire for a child before. And that has probably been the biggest and best change this cycle; James involvement in our process.

While before he didn’t really ask me questions about my cycle, or sound enthused when we had to have sex because of the timing, this past month he has been an amazing support. I really think the opk’s have something to do with it.

This cycle we got a very clear positive one evening and then again the following morning. When I came home from work that day I completely expected James to be tired and have to be coerced into having sex (as my Dr stated “procreative sex from most men’s point of view is NOT fun”). But as I walked in the door there was James with a cup of tea in his hand. He simply said that he just needed to finish it and then we could go make us some babies.

My jaw pretty much hit the floor. :) The other amazing part is when James reached over after we were done and placed his hand on my belly and asked if I thought there was a baby inside. I must say that I love this new involvement from him.

He also stated that if this cycle we do not get pregnant that he will go and get a semen analysis done. And yet to be honest I find that on days like today when I am feeling down that his excitement is a small extra bit of stress. Where before it was just me getting more anxious as the cycles went by now there are two of us that equally wanting to become pregnant and equally upset when I start to bleed.

I know that sounds horrible but today I feel that I am just going to be a disappointment to him when I start a new cycle. Totally irrational woman I know.

The rest of my month has been horrible.

More dinners with coworkers constantly asking me if I’m pregnant yet and why I’m not drinking alcohol. I keep getting more and more uncomfortable with those types of questions. I just wish people would stop asking them. And I am again 7 DPO and my spotting has started again even though I am taking B6 which is supposed to help stop bleeding in the Luteal Phase.

While I haven’t gotten my appointment yet with the OBGYN I did get the results of my blood work back. My Dr is on holiday so I didn’t get much input from his replacement Dr but he did say that everything looked fine and he gave me a copy of the printout.

The only thing that concerns me is that my estrogen was supposed to be between 110 – 184 but it was at 256 at CD5; which seems high to me but he didn’t seem concerned about it. Also my progesterone at 7 DPO should be between 18 – 90 and mine was at 29. But I would be interested to see what it is showing a few days later when I start to really spot.

So maybe my issue isn't my progesterone level.