Book Love

One of my many bookshelves.

These past 4 months at my new branch have not been good to me. I knew going into it that there was potential for disaster but I didn’t realize just how stressful this job was going to be. Looking back, and knowing what I know now; I would have just turned down the offer. But you can’t change the past ~ you can only change the future.

So the last few weeks I have been soul searching on what I want my life to look like. I no longer want to work with the general public, at least not in a retail environment. And although most people would not think of a bank as retail it is the exact same thing. It’s all about the sale and the bottom line and dealing with the public that really don’t know how day to day banking actually works. I am just tired of hating people. And I’m tired of having the stress of my job making me sick. Although I am seeing a Therapist my anxiety is still causing me to have major attacks almost every second day and I’m slowly starting to feel like I am losing my mind again. I haven’t felt like this since being a Manager at Chapters.

I know there are some things I can do to make my job somewhat “easier” and by that I mean that I would only have anxiety attacks every 3 -4 days. I have signed a contract securing me at that specific branch so there is no hope in changing what I am doing and where I am working.

My only hope now is to change jobs again. I am ok with this but really my next job will just be a temporary one. I have a plan now on what “career” I would like and where my passion and heart lies. Now the only thing I need to decide is whether to wait and see if I can get pregnant before I make these drastic changes to my life or start these changes sooner.