Mondo Beyondo

The beautiful Wendy, Cloverdale Corn Maze

I have given up hope of a better past. Anon.

I've been trying to step over my boundaries lately and have decided that I am going to take Andrea's advice and just write. So without further ado here are the answers to the 2008 Mondo Beyondo Completion Questions:


1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
I really attempted to try new things in 2007 and feel that I have accomplished some great things. I started therapy after years of wanting to and just picked up the phone one scary day and made a few calls. Trying to overcome anxiety when you are in the swirling heart of it is a terrifying thing but I am so proud of myself that I did it. And I didn't do it just for me either, I did it for my marriage and for my future children. It's been an eye opener in many aspects and I really feel that it has started a healing process that I am looking forward to being on.

I also took on a new role at work that I felt I might not be suited for. But I took a deep breath and went ahead because I knew that part of the fear was that I wasn’t really good enough. I still have the fear but I have been told that I’m doing a pretty darn good job.


2. What is there to grieve about 2007?
The hardest part of 2007 for me was the loss of dreams, of hopes and ideals. Because James and I did not conceive it really shattered my core being for awhile. I truly felt that we would be one of those couples that got pregnant right away. And it was so hard when we didn't and still haven't after one year.

So for 2007 I grieve the person that I thought I was going to be.

I forgive myself for not having a perfect cycle and more importantly I forgive myself for taking hormonal birth control for far too long (12+ years!) I forgive myself for not knowing or asking what risks I was putting myself and my future children under while I was taking it .

I also grieve the stress I put on myself and my marriage with temping, and tracking every little fertility clue. I grieve the time I spent worrying about silly things like work and how a new job would affect us trying to start our family while I could have spent that time loving my husband and my bunny.

Most importantly I forgive myself for being upset when loved ones conceived before we did, and for worrying how others would treat us because I hadn’t gotten pregnant yet.

I forgive myself for not keeping my priority’s centered, for losing track of what really matters to my heart and for letting vanity and jealousy get in the way of just being.


3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?
2007 was a strange year in that I don’t remember much of it because all the baby making business sort of took over. I feel that I have learnt so much about myself and about my marriage that I am excited looking forward to this new year.

I Thank 2007 for teaching me that I am still strong and still have so much love to give.

I now declare 2007 complete!!

2008 is my year for loving my famiy and trusting my body.