Didn't see this one coming.

What's a gal to do?

I have always considered myself a somewhat slightly crunchy woman when it came to pregnancy and labour. I planned a home water birth and am very against any sort of medical interference during pregnancy. So when we realized that a pregnancy was not a viable option for us it surprisingly only took me a few days to let go of those desires.

I can now accept the fact that I will have no say in how my child enters the world. I believe it was so easy for me to give up that control because what I do have control over is how my child will be loved in this world, how he will be raised in this world and how he will experience his formative years.


It was not until a few days ago that I was shocked to realize that by not bringing my child into this world through my own pregnancy that I would lose the ability to breastfeed.

This has thrown me for a loop and seems silly that the thing I am most panicked by about adoption now is that I will have to bottle feed my baby.

I know nothing about bottle feeding; and there is sadly not a whole lot of info I can find on the web about bottle feeding.

We plan on co-sleeping with our baby and I had always envisioned waking up in the middle of the night to lovingly nurse my child without disturbing James or the baby.

And now I am faced with the realization that we will have to actually wake up and get out of bed.

I will actually have to buy bottles and formula. I will be feeding my child fake milk.

To me this feels like another punishment for something we have not done wrong.

I am completely confident that we will make the best of what we have. We will figure this out and not look back.

But man does this suck!!


On a side note I just wanted to clarify that the views that I have started to write about in regards to adoption are completely my own. I have always strived to not put my views on others. I completely respect other's decision to bottle feed their child. I also completley understand other's views in regards to different types of adoption and cherish that these differences are what makes our world so interesting.